Sunday, November 30, 2008

A new standard for evaluating the nutritiousness of relationships..

Tammy from , one of my favorite food bloggers mentioned today,

"So, I was reading along this morning, everything seemed to be going fine, my name was spelled correctly, both Tammys were fairly represented, all the facts appeared to be in good working order, when…wha? “Unnatural?” I had an “unnatural” fixation on someone? Hmmph. As if the USDA has a standard labeling system that categorizes the nutritiousness of our relationships. God. (Actually, that would come in pretty handy. Could someone get on that?)."

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Perhaps a food-pyramid-style set-up?

The base could be sound relationships, based on shared interests, mutual respect, and support and love. These could include family, friends, and boy/girlfriends. This would go where the breads/grains section is located. These would be the basis for fulfillment and stability and over-all good emotional health. However, that is awfully stodgy, just like that bowl of plain brown rice. You know in your heart of hearts it's good for you, but it's just not exciting unless laced with more troubling parts of the relationship pyramid.

The next segment which treats vegetables and fruit would mandate a more careful split. Vegetables/Legumes would be reserved for that guy or girl who would treat you right and take good care of you, but that you're not sure you want. This is the one who always returns your calls, and remembers your birthday. These are stalwarts, not exciting, thrill-filled relationships, but a great basis for long term sustainability.

Fruits with their sweet goodness are a bit more decadent. Perhaps this is the guy or girl you didn't think you could catch or deserve, the one you hope to keep. You read extensively about existentialism on wikipedia to know enough to chat him or her up at a cocktail party or at the coffee shop. You show up in public reading impressive, heavy books, or cook stupidly complicated meals to impress this potential significant other. They're good for you, because they cause you to strive to be a better version of yourself. After a while though, this can become exhausting.

The next level is the split between the meat/poultry/fish and dairy products. Meat/poultry I'd like to reserve for those relationships that are painfully destructive. The ones where a person loves without sense, even when friends and family discourage it. This is for the ill-fated stars of love like Romeo and Juliet or for those involved in potentially or seriously abusive relationships. i.e. "S/He only hurts me because s/he loves me" and other unfortunate residue of the patriarchy. This is for the relationships that send one sobbing to friends routinely, more than once a week, wishing for change but loving in spite of a failure to enact such change on the part of the other.

Dairy products will be replaced with unrequited love. This is for your best-friend's boyfriend or girlfriend, or that one room mate-love interest you never recovers from. This category is for boy and girls that leave you pining, leave you hanging, never return calls or break dates. These are the people that accidentally or on-purpose leave you alone, sobbing over chocolate ice cream with your cat. This is for the New Year's Eve kiss you hoped for with every fibre of your soul. By focusing on these relationships or possibilities of relationships, you may keep yourself from consuming more bread/grains supportive wonderful relations that may actually do you some good. You may also avoid commitment in order to be available in case the subject of your unrequited love becomes available.

The top for fats and sugars would definitely be reserved for unhealthy obsessions, such as those indicated by Tammy with respect to her favorite farmer. Also included could be swooning over Craig Daniel in the Bond films, that dreamy barista at the coffee shop, or one's favorite barkeep or classmate or office-cube-farm dweller. The entirely fantastical and hopeful relationships that we all dream and plea to fulfill... These relationships are characterized by a healthy disrespect for reality and a belief in Prince or Princess Charming style romance. The type which mandate these pronouncements: "One day, he/she will realize that my love is the most pure and will return it to me!"

I think this division should do the trick. Eat your grains, vegetables, legumes, and fruits. They're good for you.


The Watershed said...

Well my love, I'm kinda thinking that I'm a cheese burger. The call returning bun, the slightly dangerous Beef, with a slim dose of cheese. But then if you add the lettuce, pickles, onions, and the Reagan Veggies, Ketchup and Mustard, I guess it works out OK. Maybe we need a little Mango on there ;-)


tammy said...

Wow, I'm impressed. Very interesting indeed. I'll graph this out and see if I can add anything.