The best (funniest, most poignant) things cannot be told to the internet. That being said, with the implicit (complicit) note that I can't always tell all the amazing stories I hear, I offer you instead a vintage (belonging to a grandmother) fruit cake recipe. It is still in the oven, where it will be for another hour. After which some will soak in spiced rum, some in amaretto, and some will just soak in good ol' fashioned air. This is a slow-results project, but I hope that it will not fail.
1 lb candied/dried pineapple, chopped
1.5 lb dates, chopped
1 lb candied cherries, chopped
2 lbs pecans, chopped
2 c flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 c sugar
Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Grease loaf pans of any size that suits your fancy. I used 1 mini, 1 standard, and 1 small. This is to further my experiments in soaking it in booze.
Mix the dates, pineapple, and cherries in a large bowl.
Whisk together the dry ingredients, then pour them on top of the fruit mixture. Combine until fruit is well coated in floury mix.
Whisk/beat the eggs until frothy.
Beat in 1 c sugar until well combined. Pour egg/sugar over fruit/flour mixture, mix to combine/coat.
Mix in 2 lbs chopped pecans. At this juncture, if you haven't already, abandon your spoon or spatula and just use your paws. It will be easier ... and you won't run the risk of snapping your room mate's Ikea spatula into two pieces. (Sorry.)
Press into pans, bake for 1hr, 30 min in the 275 degree oven.
Once done, remove from pans, cool on racks, then wrap in cheesecloth/muslin and soak in a booz-a-hol of your choice for three weeks. Spiced rum, amaretto, brandy, as you see fit.
NOM NOM NOM the anticipation!