Wednesday, April 28, 2010

burnt yer netwebz to a ckrispy finish

demotivational posters
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blame the patriarchy until i feel better...

Well, hell. will make me feel better:

-----"Anyway. Unable to go back to sleep, I flipped on the TV. The show was PBS workhorse “This Old House.” Some strawberry blonde dude was converting a purlin into a hex-jig, or installing a new blart box in an old neffit; I don’t really remember on accounta I was in a stupor at the time. All I know is, I watched through swollen, sleep-deprived eyes as the strawberry dude effortlessly pulled heat-sensitive galvanized conduit through a wooden alloy breezeway and had the new helicopter landing pad or low-voltage window-washer all up and running in about three minutes flat. Impressive!"

_____"The next thing I knew, there was a young assistant TV producer named Tristyn on my doorstep.* This was fairly unusual. I have erected fences and laid land mines and taken other antisocial measures specifically to keep assistant Tristyns off my doorstep."

bombing until oblivion! it's the only way out!

broke Kthulu haus into BABAYAGA MODE

Content pulled for editing. Pardon the re-organizing.

Friday, April 23, 2010

fixing the world, one rubber ducky at a time.

My current solution to each & every post-modern existentialist feminist crisis is: 1) flail 2) flail 3) flaily art 4) flaily dance 5) RUBBER DUCKY BATH TUB TIME 6) collapse at Kthulu House 7) wake up confused on living room floor, under dog, debris 8) rinse repeat

Thursday, April 22, 2010

VIA Oatmeal: Why not to name lakes while eating dinner:

This pirate approves of this incidence of (drumroll please) landlocked piracy! EpicWin for Webster, Mass.

Forty Cannon Salute *bambambam* *pewpewpewpew* [oh noes party crashed by laser-powered kittens]

overboard!into the kayaks!

in my dreams I'm dying all the time

Hey, good news! Scheduling a flight/Amtrack epic event (okay, so a small 2-4 day excursion) to SLC to pick up my car. I am putting ducks in rows here in STL so I can go and be a good auntie to impending baby creature/monster arriving in SLC.


May 1: Leaving candy on doorsteps, knocking, and running away screaming. Still fun after 20 years.

[first Thursday in May] Somewhere in here is b3r site dinner. HEY, who's coordinating that for me? If I'm allowed, I'll cook you all vegan sausages and you'll cry. It's true. I've seen it. How to make a Calontiri fighter sob: soysausage. Bwahahahahahaha. With a side of tofu salad. And moar seaweed. *wicked cackles* I'll feed you nori, and you'll like it, gorramit.

May 8: First Tower Grove Farmer's Market. Play Where's Waldo. See if you can find me there.

May 14/15/mumble: Epic win! My lil sis is gradumataing and I am SO DAMN PROUD that I'm caravanning to btown to ensure that she has an awesomesauce partay. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! [You can tell I'm excited, I can't spell anymore. And I devolved in LOLgrammar]

Saturdays in May: Farmer's Markets in Tower Grove make my heart sing. Wow, I love them so.

Thursdays starting in maybe June: Downtown farmer's market: play Where's Waldo again.

In June, there's this thing? in Kansas? named Lillies? Apparently I'll be there too. Encampment still under negotiations -- who's offering better booze in exchange for my epic vegan camping kibble and awesome sauce barista/babysitter/camp counselor/firebuilder/northshield/canadian skillz? Although, admittedly, there is one encampment with a tiny monster that holds a number of compulsions for me. Oh, tiny monsters. I do <3 you so hard. She's my favorite frakking marmot in the barony.

[Trust me, Where's the Landlocked Pirate is almost as much fun as the game Schrodinger's Underpants.]

So, it's time for another epic Landlocked Piracy summer. If you want to book a nibble [and careful, the War Kittens are out for my soul] [and I apparently have a legal and binding contract regarding a shoulder-mount, backpack portable water balloon siege weapon that I have to have for the defense of Northshield's neighboring shire out in the boondocks on the Serengeti at Pennsic] don't hesitate to write/telegraph/postcard/postsekrit/message-in-a-bottle me.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

First World Problems.

Who the frak do I have to screw in this Saint Louis City of Three Damned Rivers to get a cab at 6:14 a.m. when I am stone cold sober?!


This landlocked pirate is EXCEEDINGLY upset about her airship being in drydock in damnable Salt Lake City. She also can't get four consecutive days off of work with enough notice to go get it.

She's a pirate. She's never off the clock.

ARGH 6 A.M. and I'm changing voice. HALPZ, send a chariot! plz?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Steampunky art/costume/decor supplies treasure hunt on Cherokee yesterday was a *smashing* success. Today and tomorrow are *artcation*! Wherein one requests off of work to have sufficient time to make ART! for the soul.

If you think you'd like to take part in the art-party/construction party/costuming party please let me know: it's going on allllllll day and allllll night!

[Breaks for sleeping tbd based on eta wherein a='keels over']