Sunday, May 2, 2010

I write letters.

Dear Saint Charles:

I do find you rather charming and quaint. However, you remind me of pretty much everywhere I lived until Saint Louis City. It's not always a pleasant set of memories. Would you do me a best-friend favor and let me go back across the bridge? Some time this week, preferably? I'd like to make it to the Complex for tomorrow night, actually. Could we arrange that? Pretty please?

Yours most nervously,

Landlock'd Piracy

File under: xkcd was right

Presentation of bachelor breakfast a la Saint Charles, MO, in the compound:

1) Giant bowl of deep fried potato slices
2) Giant bowl of crispy bacon
3) Two buttery slices of toast (mine)
4) Eggs served w/ choice of cheese
5) Coffee + optional condiments, including coconut creamer
6) Dipping sauces of mayonnaise + ketchup. Offer of horseradish, cobra-bottle hot sauce.

Wait, wait a minute: NO, Colt 45 is not a breakfast food.

6) IceHouse delivered, cracked. Sips.

NO. This is not ... hmmm... Must I keep the rings on the can? I want to slice them up so the turtles don't get their heads stuck. And birds don't drown in rivers when they...

What's that you say? Shut the frak up and drink the beer? Well ... if you insist... I suppose I did eat all that breakfast ...